Saturday, March 6, 2010

just feeling sorry for myself

I am unsure if anyone really reads my post or not, it really makes no difference  either way.  I find it great therapy to write my thoughts down once in a while. Although initially this post was to be inspirational, lately I have found it hard to stay that way.
I am angry today.  I am mad at myself for letting this disease get the best of me lately.  I am angry that I have this illness.  I want to be who I was before.  I don't know who I am now. 
 Since I have been diagnosed, it was my philosophy to not let this disease define who I am.  Well, that has been hard to do lately.  I try to do all the "right" things and I still end up taking 2 steps backwards.  
I want to feel well and not sick ALL the time.  I don't understand how some others have longer periods of well time and I don't even seem to get a week.  I want a break. Please give me a break.  A period of time when I feel well. I want to be able to do things and not have to pay for it a day or two later.  
I need some inspiration. I need some hope.  I need some healing physically and mentally. I don't like feeling this way.  I am usually the one helping others, but right now I need some.
When we put our cares in His hands, He puts His peace in our hearts.  ~Author Unknown





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