Today was my first day back to work since being in the hospital. Tiring. That's the only way I can describe how my day was. I really am glad that I have such an understanding boss and co-workers. I feel as if I really matter to them. I am lucky in this aspect as I know their are other places that would have been less understanding. I try to do a full 8 hour shift, but at this point I am so tired. By the 6th hour I start stumbling, my walking becomes slower, my speech begins to slur and my right eye starts seeing everything double and blurred. Rather frustrating, but what can I do. What is really funny is that I forget how to speak Spanish, which I am fluent in normally. I sort of begin to stutter over my words. I think I expect too much of myself, after all it has only been a week since I was discharged from the hospital.
I need to learn to give myself a break, to let my body rest, heal. It's just that I get so bored. I like being busy, helping people. Makes me feel like I can contribute to society. It's hard for me to let go, even if it's just for a little while.
One of my dreams, hopes before this illness was to join a mission with Doctor's Without Borders. I wanted to help those people who were not able to help themselves due to poverty, politics or other obstacles beyond their control. That is not going to be a reality for me now, I have to come to terms with it. I just feel in my heart that I need to help people, I only wish I knew how I can help now.
http://www.doctorswithoutborders.org/
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