Monday, February 1, 2010

kindness of strangers

well, today was still going in circles for me.  Can't seem to shake this.  I had two doctors appointments and relied on a friend from church to drive me.
 One of my biggest weakness is asking for help.  I hate asking for help.  It means I can't do something for myself and the strong independent (maybe a little stubborn too) woman in me has a hard time allowing someone to help.  The reality is now I will have to overcome this humongous obstacle, because I foresee that I will have to ask for help more frequently now.  Bummer :(
The funny thing is, I enjoy being able to help someone else out.  This is part of the reason I love being a nurse.  I love to help people in their time of biggest need.  If I was in a better place with my MS, I would go to Haiti in a heartbeat to help those poor people out.  These are the things I struggle most with.  Not being able to help others because I can't even help myself out very much at this time.
I think this also the part of me that my husband struggles with.  I want to do everything as if I wasn't sick, which in turn makes me sicker for a while.  He keeps saying I told you so, but not in a mean way,  in I love you but you are stubborn as hell kind of way.  Me, stubborn, NAHHHH!!!!  Tell me it isn't so.
Maybe it's time to acknowledge that it is okay to ask for help.
"Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up."
       - 
The Reverend Jesse Jackson, American civil rights leader


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