Pep talk

I think every once in a while you need to give yourself a good pep talk.  Kind of like they do in football when you are down by one touchdown and it's the last 30 seconds of the 4th quarter, you need a we can do this, no problem
I need that today.  I feel like I am in the 4th quarter of a losing game today.  The day started out normal and actually ended on high note.  My darling husband picks me up to work and takes me on a surprise dinner and a movie sans kids.  What a great ending to my day, so why would I need a pep talk.
The answer is simple.  MS is like a big tease.  It lets you feel like you are this close to normal and then your dog knocks you down when you come in the house.  Just wanting some attention, one of the dogs jumps on the back of my knees and boom, fall to the floor.  Then reality sits in, my legs are end of the day wobbly and shakey and definitely, obviously not stable.
So now for my pep talk.  Hmmm....the only thing that comes to mind is the movie "Big Daddy" with Adam Sandler.  He's in the courtroom and one of his friends (the supposed east Indian character) stands up and shouts "You can do it"  BTW, Adam if you are reading this, like you don't have bigger better things to do, I am your number one fan.
So, my pep talk means when you are knocked down (physically and metaphorically), you just gotta get back up and keep going.   You can't let one little set back keep you from making that touchdown.  Tonight my touchdown was making it into my warm cozy bed next to my lovely husband, relatively in one piece and getting ready for a long nice rest to start a new in the morning.
"Defeat is not defeat unless accepted as a reality-in your own mind."    - Bruce Lee

Why is it that when you take steroids, it takes forever to normalize after.  It's been a week and 2 days and dealing with hot flashes and weight issues.   I can't wait for normal.  We dealt with ordinary, now I want normalcy.
Anyway, went to another doctor's appointment today and then to work.  That makes 4 appointments this week.  I am looking forward to the day when I see a doctor maybe once or twice a year.
My hubby and I are going to try an experiment.  We read an article by a doctor that was plagued by a plethera of problems and he stumble across an article written by another doctor who was touting the effects of phenylkenoturics ( I am absolutely certain I did not spell that right) other wise known as aspartame.  Anyway this doctor had been going on a health kick and drinking lots of diet sodas and light yogurts and etc when he start getting really fatigued, joint aches and pain, blurry vision in one eye and etc.... He went years without a diagnosis and when he stumbled across this article he decided to do an experiment.  He cut out all the artificial sweetners out of his life and after a few months most of his symptoms resolved.  Then to prove it was not coincidence, he incorporated the sweetners back in and lo and behold his symptoms came back.  Since then he no longer encourages the use of artificial sweetners to his patients and he writes that his health is almost back to 100%.  So we are going to kick those sweetners to the curb and see if we can get the same results.
So wish us luck and will power!!!!!!!!!
In order to change we must be sick and tired of being sick and tired.
       - Author unknown

ordinary day

An ordinary day.  God Bless the ordinary day's.  My dizziness is starting to resolve, only when I am very tired is it peaking its ugly head.
I used to want exciting, but now I am grateful for all the ordinary I can get.  Ordinary means that I am able to function and I will take it like it comes.  Ordinary means that I can walk without running into the wall, without dragging my left leg or without stumbling. It means that I can go up a step without having to use something as crutch to boost me up. It means that I am not so fatigued and that I can enjoy my day without taking a 2-3 hour nap.  It means that my speech is understandable.  It means that I can process information through this thick head of mine and not be confused or forgetful. It means that I have very little pain.  It means that my vision is better.  It means that I can sing along to my music without getting tired (strange I know, but the fatigue is so bad at times that singing takes all my energy).
I am looking forward to more ordinary days to come.  I will this to be my last relapse forever!!!!  I pray this was my last relapse forever!!!!!!  I hope that this was my last relapse forever!!!!!
"From the bitterness of disease man learns the sweetness of health".   - Catalan Proverb

kindness of strangers

well, today was still going in circles for me.  Can't seem to shake this.  I had two doctors appointments and relied on a friend from church to drive me.
 One of my biggest weakness is asking for help.  I hate asking for help.  It means I can't do something for myself and the strong independent (maybe a little stubborn too) woman in me has a hard time allowing someone to help.  The reality is now I will have to overcome this humongous obstacle, because I foresee that I will have to ask for help more frequently now.  Bummer :(
The funny thing is, I enjoy being able to help someone else out.  This is part of the reason I love being a nurse.  I love to help people in their time of biggest need.  If I was in a better place with my MS, I would go to Haiti in a heartbeat to help those poor people out.  These are the things I struggle most with.  Not being able to help others because I can't even help myself out very much at this time.
I think this also the part of me that my husband struggles with.  I want to do everything as if I wasn't sick, which in turn makes me sicker for a while.  He keeps saying I told you so, but not in a mean way,  in I love you but you are stubborn as hell kind of way.  Me, stubborn, NAHHHH!!!!  Tell me it isn't so.
Maybe it's time to acknowledge that it is okay to ask for help.
"Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up."
       - The Reverend Jesse Jackson, American civil rights leader