Unpredictable

I think that sometimes I have a hard time wrapping my finger around this disease, because I am pretty much a straight forward person.  MS is not straight forward is it?  Some people experience one exacerbation and may not have another one for many years.  Others do one big face plant down hill.  It's rather curious if you think about.  What is it about our genetic make-up that leads on person to be more resilient than another?
 Is  it lack of will?   Maybe, but I have seen people fight tooth and nail, but still don't recover from whatever their burden is.  Although as a nurse I have seen what lack of will can do to a variety of people.  Sometimes it can mean the difference of surviving or not.
I like to think that my will is strong, my faith in the good Lord is strong too.  Everyday brings new opportunities, new challenges, but I know deep down in my heart, that I will overcome, to what degree we shall see, but never the less, I will.
My philosophy has always been, when I have a bad day, "If this is the worst thing that happens to me today, then it will be a good day."  I try to instill that into my kids also, for the little unimportant things life brings us.  On my worst days, I get so blinded, that it's hard to find my way out, but eventually life is still there and I need to embrace it.

energizer bunny wherfore art thou

Ever since I have lost the ability to run, I want to run.  It's funny how the things that seemed so normal before are now a part of a wish and maybe a little bit of envy.  I long to ride my bike like I did before.
A little before I started have balance and muscle weakness, my husband gave me a nice bike for Valentines day 2008.  Now the perception is that most girls long for jewelry , flowers etc... on this day, but he knew just what to get me.  He wanted me to spend time with him doing an activity that he loved.  It was absolutely the best Valentines gift that I have ever received.  I knew shortly after that I was going to have a big problem.
We would go on these nice bike rides, but it seemed to me that my legs would quit working, especially in the heat.  It was like lead weights were applied to each leg.
So I have a goal, one of many.  I want to ride a bike again.  If it means that I have to take this awful shot once a day then so be it.  I don't want to sit back to watch life pass me by.  I want to be in the midst of it, enjoying everything that I can.  This means I have to fight, overcome.  Where are the boxing gloves cause I am ready.


Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~Helen Keller

??????

Today, my daughter comes home from school saying that she was really tired and she doesn't know why.  No big deal right????  Then she tells me that her legs are heavy, she has been very clumsy and that she kept falling down today.  Alarm bells are going off in my head.  She has a neuro appointment in January, I hope that I didn't pass this on to her. She is so young and I don't wish this on my worst enemy, let alone my beautiful daughter.  I pray to the good Lord that she doesn't have this problem.
Been a little over a month since started back on the Copaxone.  Still taking "research  drug or placebo".
I felt better the last couple days, getting a little more energy, my balance is better, my walking is better,  my talking is better.  MS is such a weird disease.  Literally, one minute your good, then the next minute you are not.  That's why it's so important not to make hasty decisions in the midst of a relapse.  It's hard to predict where you will be at the end.  However, it is important to plan.
God Bless.