Field Guide: Chapter 5 I hope you dance

I forgot what chapter I am on, but basically at this point you are probably already over-saturated with information from the internet, your doctor, well meaning family and friend, but most of all you are scared.
I am scared.  I don't know what or who I will be in a year. Unfortunately this illness changes you in all aspects of your life.  You have to rearrange your goals and expectations.  I have had to do a lot of rearranging.  My abilities as a nurse has changed dramatically.  My abilities as a mother have changed dramatically.  My abilities as a productive citizen of society have changed dramatically.  
I don't know where I will be at this time next year.  My hope is that I will be no worse than I am today.  My philosophy on life has always been "if this is the worst thing that happens to me today, then it will be a good day". 
I am ready for all the good days to come, but how do you prepare yourself for the bad days.  I am not sure you can.  I believe that a positive outlook is a much better approach than being pessimistic.  How can you enjoy the things that you CAN do, if you are dwelling on the things that you can't?
Being scared is okay as long as it does not take over your life.  Have faith.  Have Hope.  Educate yourself.  But most of all, live each day to the fullest, that way when you look back you can say, MS did not get the best of me.  "I hope you dance."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV-Z1YwaOiw

Tired part deux

I went to my appointment at the MS clinic on Thursday.  It was with the research department.  They did another MRI, another Neuro test and another cognitive/motor skills test.  My disability 3 months ago was rated at a 3, now it's rated at a 4.  In this case more is not better.  The lower the number the less disability you have.

I have to say that this is somewhat disheartening.  I am hoping that the next time I meet with them, in 3 months, that I have an improvement in my score.  They say it can take some people months to fully recover from a relapse, hoping that this will be my case.

The research lady, who is very nice and makes me laugh, told me that her and the MRI person (don't know what their official title is) were commenting on the fact that I am still working. She told me that people with less disability than I have are applying for social security. Some days I feel like that should be me, but other days I think about the thought of not being a productive member of society would be devastating to my psyche. I have a feeling that I will be crossing that bridge soon enough so better not dwell on it.

I have noticed that it is harder for me to type with my left hand.  I have to concentrate or my pinky and ring finger don't quite cooperate like I want them to.  It's funny the little things you start to notice.

Well enough mellow-drama for one night.  

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. ~Proverbs 3:5