So I started to use my cane again.  I don't know why I struggle to use it when I clearly need it.  I guess because it's an acknowledgement that I am not quite normal.   The thing is I can walk so much better when I use it.  I even take longer strides which in the end will probably help me with my muscle tone in my legs.

Bummer

Went to work today, made it almost the full 8 hours.  I am still in my grumpy and blue faze.   I just don't understand why I can't get back to a more normal state.
Hold on, Hit the brakes.  This blog is not supposed to be so down in the dumps.  Its supposed to be inspiring and uplifting.  The problem is that this blogger needs some lifting up....... Hmmmm what to do.
I am going to say what I am grateful for given the MS.  I am grateful that I can walk, albeit at a pokey pace, but still walking.  I am grateful that I can still work, sort of.  I am grateful that I am able to function and do my daily tasks on my own.  I am grateful that when I do need help that I know my husband and my family and friends are there for me (especially my sweet sweet husband).  I am grateful that my pain is getting so much better.  I am grateful that I can afford my medications.  I am grateful that I am able to see my doctors without worrying about medical bills piling up.  
MS, this mysterious disease, is trying its best to make me miserable but I am determined to fight it all the way.  Some days I may need to put on bigger boxing gloves and some days I may need a little bandaid here and there, but I am not going to let this illness take me down.  I will kick and scream the whole way.
I will lift up my illness to the Lord and let him ease my troubles and worries.  He will give me the strength that I need, no matter what I am fighting.
Today is Ash Wednesday and going to church will help my blues.  I will pray and ask for strength and guidance. 

Blah!!!!

I am definitely in a funk.  Depression is one of the symptoms of MS.  I am wondering why???  My depression stems from the inability to do what I want.  Not like a spoiled kid, but normal everyday things that I can't do, that I want to do. I am concerned that I may be at my new baseline, which means no more energy filled days. No more days spent outside hiking as I have a hard time concurring the curbs lately.  My bike is just going to be a dust collector, bummer nice bike too. Still doing the Pilates and the occasional elliptical, not for too long. 
  Spent the day at the doctors and I just don't know what to think.  You go there looking for answers and leave with more questions than anything.  My doctor did not really tell me anything today, seems like I was doing a lot of talking and next thing I know, it was see you in 3 months unless you need me sooner.  I am need you for what?  What did you do for me?  I could of just stayed at home and talked to myself in the mirror. HMPFFFFF!!!
My husband came home early from work to be with me and my sourpuss face.  He loves me so much, as I do him.  He wants my day to better and seeing him makes it better.  He helps me physically when I need help walking as well on the days I need emotional support.  I try not to overwhelm him, because I want to keep him around forever

~ Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less ~

Rabbi Julius Gordo

Grumpy

Today I feel like one of the twelve dwarfs from Snow White.  I am definitely Grumpy.  I don't like anything today.

I am so exhausted.  Worked Thursday, Friday, Saturday and went to church yesterday and then took my kids to the movies.  We went to the 140 show, which was sold out and then waited around for the 400 show.  That doesn't seem like much effort, but it totally wiped me out.  So today I am exhausted and grumpy.  

I am grumpy because I want to be doing things today, but I know that tomorrow will be at 3 different doctors appointments starting at 0830 and the last one at 300, so I can't exhaust myself today other wise the rest of the week I will pay for it.  The hospital is almost an hour away so I will be there all day and then come home cook and be tired because of dumb old MS.  Then I work 3 days in a row.

Now someone who doesn't have MS, is  probably thinking big deal. Well, imagine taking all of your daily energy and using it up in one hour and then keep going with no energy reserve and try to run a marathon, that's MS for  me anyway.  It's like my energy is on a one hour hourglass and it flows fast if I don't get to take breaks.  Being out and about, it flows quickly.  No nap to re-energize.

"I walk slowly, but I never walk backward." - Abraham Lincoln