Snow

Snow!!!  Does not happen very often where I am at.  Such a beautiful thing, I am sure some would heartily disagree, especially those in heavy snow areas.  One thing I like about the snow is it's lack of heat....Dumb statement maybe, but my body does not like heat.  When I get over-heated by even one degree, my body kind of shuts down.  My walking slows, I have a black spot in my right eye's sight of vision, and am overwhelmed by fatigue.  So snow is very welcome at times, so long as I don't have to shovel it. Never will happen here as it usually disappears within an hour or two.
Today was a peppermint hot chocolate kind of day.  It is starting to feel a lot more like Christmas.  Not because of the snow, but because I feel so much better.  We put up the tree.  I painted some Christmas designs on our windows.  Hung some lights in the windows too.  I had the energy to do this, not all in one day, but over the course of a few days.  I like when I am able to actively participate.  Makes me wonder if I would have taken the steroids when I started going down hill in September would it have made a difference.  It is very hard to tell when I am having a true relapse or whatever else could be.  Steroids wreak havoc on your body, so it's is such a hard decision to make.
I can always tell when I feel better, because I sing.  When I am overwhelmed with fatigue, I don't sing.  It tires me out.  Today I am singing.

Back to work, Back to reality

Today was my first day back to work since being in the hospital.  Tiring.  That's the only way I can describe how my day was.  I really am glad that I have such an understanding boss and co-workers.  I feel as if I really matter to them.  I am lucky in this aspect as I know their are other places that would have been less understanding.  I try to do a full 8 hour shift, but at this point I am so tired.  By the 6th hour I start stumbling, my walking becomes slower, my speech begins to slur and my right eye starts seeing everything double and blurred.  Rather frustrating, but what can I do. What is really funny is that I forget how to speak Spanish, which I am fluent in normally.  I sort of begin to stutter over my words.  I think I expect too much of myself, after all it has only been a week since I was discharged from the hospital.  
I need to learn to give myself a break, to let my body rest, heal.  It's just that I get so bored.  I like being busy, helping people.  Makes me feel like I can contribute to society.  It's hard for me to let go, even if it's just for a little while.
One of my dreams, hopes before this illness was to join a mission with Doctor's Without Borders.  I wanted to help those people who were not able to help themselves due to poverty, politics or other obstacles beyond their control.  That is not going to be a reality for me now, I have to come to terms with it.  I just feel in my heart that I need to help people, I only wish I knew how I can help now.


http://www.doctorswithoutborders.org/

Complications

So, I am walking a little better, crazy though because as soon as I get up from a laying position, I am still falling over.  No fun.  It has taken me until today (at least so far), to be able to walk around a little without the feeling of tunnel vision (from steroid withdrawal).  Did you know that not walking around as well as the steroids along with MS leads to another complication?????  Well I knew that but still didn't take any precautions so landed back in the ER last night AGAIN.  I swear that they should just put in a revolving door for me, or maybe I should just call to make reservations. 

 Anyway, the little (huge) complication involves motility of the bowels.  Not a pleasant topic or thought, but none the less, it is such an awful feeling, painful to boot as well.  Got some IV fluids as I was dehydrated,  Got some anti-nausea medicine that made me feel kinda goofy (no real change for those of you that know me), then home, pray for the world to start moving again.  

When I worked on the floor as a nurse, I never understood the fixation that some people had with their bowels. There was always someone who would say that they haven't gone in a day or two.  I was like what's the big deal. Well I suppose the big deal is that everyone's is the expert at their body chemistry, but some how medicine is still antiquated enough to think that they are the experts.  Not everyone fits in a neat little box.  If someone's norm is once or twice a day, then of course they would be worried.  Due to MS, I have the opposite, days and days.  THis time it has been a week, talk about uncomfortable.  

The following link seemed appropriate :0)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJn4AU_QHJM&feature=related