MIA for a while. I have been avoiding my blog because I don't feel particularly inspirational at this point. Having a bad few months and can't seem to climb back out of it fast enough. 2 day stint in the hospital where I was diagnosed as having seizures on top of everything. They started me on a seizure medication Keppra where I was supposed to take 500mg twice a day and then after 2 weeks move up to 1000mg twice a day. Well I took it for a week and a half. Let me list the side effects and you can deduce why I stopped: Weakness, dizziness, drowsiness, loss of balance...... Everything I already have plus 10x worse. I could barely walk a few feet without losing the ability to lift my legs up very well. It sucked. Haven't told my doctor this yet. Not looking forward to that.
Where to find inspiration. I am at a loss. I seem to be knocked down a lot lately, but never knocked completely out. I get back up, but with a lot of help. My husband is the love of my life. He stands by me. He hugs me so tight through my tearful sessions. He opens doors, holds me up, goes out of his way to make sure I have everything I need. I could not be any more blessed. Loving husband, wonderful family and kids, friends whom I may not see very often, but I know they love me as I love them. The good Lord whose faith in me never waivers even when mine might falter a little. Well I guess there is the inspiration I was looking for. Sometimes I try to look so far ahead that I fail to see what is already here.
Still it is so hard not to ask why me? I am not old. I want to be able to do everything like I could before becoming "sick". I love summer, but don't get to enjoy it. Heat makes all the neurons go hay-wire and can't function. I want to walk around the neighborhood, but can't. I want to hike in the mountains, but I can't. I want to be a floor nurse, but now am confined to an office (grateful to be able to work, even if it's only for a few hours). I know that I am supposed to focus on what I can do, but it's hard not to miss what you could do. I want this all to be a bad dream. Somebody pinch me and wake me up. I don't like this. I actually hate this. Cruel cruel disease.
Well that put a damper on things now didn't it. What's that saying? Hope springs eternal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ
Where to find inspiration. I am at a loss. I seem to be knocked down a lot lately, but never knocked completely out. I get back up, but with a lot of help. My husband is the love of my life. He stands by me. He hugs me so tight through my tearful sessions. He opens doors, holds me up, goes out of his way to make sure I have everything I need. I could not be any more blessed. Loving husband, wonderful family and kids, friends whom I may not see very often, but I know they love me as I love them. The good Lord whose faith in me never waivers even when mine might falter a little. Well I guess there is the inspiration I was looking for. Sometimes I try to look so far ahead that I fail to see what is already here.
Still it is so hard not to ask why me? I am not old. I want to be able to do everything like I could before becoming "sick". I love summer, but don't get to enjoy it. Heat makes all the neurons go hay-wire and can't function. I want to walk around the neighborhood, but can't. I want to hike in the mountains, but I can't. I want to be a floor nurse, but now am confined to an office (grateful to be able to work, even if it's only for a few hours). I know that I am supposed to focus on what I can do, but it's hard not to miss what you could do. I want this all to be a bad dream. Somebody pinch me and wake me up. I don't like this. I actually hate this. Cruel cruel disease.
Well that put a damper on things now didn't it. What's that saying? Hope springs eternal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ
2 comments:
Lisa things will get better. Look around you and feel all of the love and support that you have.Keppra and I didn't get along either. I now take lamictal for partial seizures. I will always be here for you to send you the energy and hope that you need. Smile alot no matter what. Do take time to smell the flowers....Peace
Thank you Barb. You are such an awesome person and a very big inspiration.
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