It seems I am in a bit of a remission period. I am grateful, but I can't help but waiting for the floor to fall out from underneath me at any given moment. I have had steady improvement since my last big incident in January with the only setback being a slight gallbladder incident.
Today I spent the day cleaning. Slowly. I remember the days when it would only take me a few hours to clean the house top to bottom spotless. Now I am slow and steady with frequent breaks but I am happy with that considering a few months ago it was an impossible feat.
I wonder if that person I used to be would understand the person I am now? It seems that I would never sit still and now I sit around so much more than I can stand.
It makes it so difficult for me and somewhat embarassing to know that I am not working. I worked so hard to become an R.N. and I long so much to be one again. I still have my liscense and it has been less than a year since I worked, but I miss it so much. I look at the job openings and wonder if I will ever be that person again. I think that doctors don't understand how much more encompassing this illness is. It's just not the physical but everything in your life. NOt just what they can test with their little instruments. They can tell you that you seem better, but it's so much more than that. Its the day to day struggles that they don't see. Sure, today I am walking, talking better, but no way I can have the life I once had. The life I was so content with. The one I long for. They are not here to see how hard I try to keep that aspiration by working on my stamina. I can hardly do more than a few hours in the house with out multiple rest periods and it's so frustrating. I want to be a nurse again!!!! I want to work. I want to have friends to talk with on a day to day basis. I want that comradarie. I want everything the way it was, but for now I am living day to day.
Today I spent the day cleaning. Slowly. I remember the days when it would only take me a few hours to clean the house top to bottom spotless. Now I am slow and steady with frequent breaks but I am happy with that considering a few months ago it was an impossible feat.
I wonder if that person I used to be would understand the person I am now? It seems that I would never sit still and now I sit around so much more than I can stand.
It makes it so difficult for me and somewhat embarassing to know that I am not working. I worked so hard to become an R.N. and I long so much to be one again. I still have my liscense and it has been less than a year since I worked, but I miss it so much. I look at the job openings and wonder if I will ever be that person again. I think that doctors don't understand how much more encompassing this illness is. It's just not the physical but everything in your life. NOt just what they can test with their little instruments. They can tell you that you seem better, but it's so much more than that. Its the day to day struggles that they don't see. Sure, today I am walking, talking better, but no way I can have the life I once had. The life I was so content with. The one I long for. They are not here to see how hard I try to keep that aspiration by working on my stamina. I can hardly do more than a few hours in the house with out multiple rest periods and it's so frustrating. I want to be a nurse again!!!! I want to work. I want to have friends to talk with on a day to day basis. I want that comradarie. I want everything the way it was, but for now I am living day to day.
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